Things To Do To Non-B5 Fans
Things to do to people who don't watch Babylon 5. (Don't try these at home. If you do try these at home, I refuse to be held responsible for what happens to you!)
When a fast food counter person/pizza order-taker/mall Santa asks you "What do you want?" scream at them "Never ask that question!".
Alternate idea: Narrow your eyes at them and say in a menacing voice "Remember what happened to the last person who asked that.".
Bring a picture of Ivanova with you to your place of worship. Hold the picture up in front of you as you pray. If anyone asks what you are doing, tell them "Well, Ivanova is God, you know.".
Alternate idea: Do this with a picture of JMS and say "Well, JMS is the Great Maker, you know.".
If you're a guy, use hairspray and gel and whatnot to tease your hair straight up as far as it will go. If anyone comments, say "What? You don't think I'm important enough to wear my hair this high?".
Go to confession, then start sobbing and tell the priest "I confess! I looked at spoilers for 'Sleeping in Light'!".
Alternate idea: Do this if you get questioned by police for some reason, particularly after being pulled over for speeding.
Or say "Yes I know how fast I was going, but Babylon 5 comes on in 5 minutes!".
If someone forgets something, gasp and say "You have a hole in your mind!"
Anytime you feel tempted to say "God!" or "Christ!" or some such, say "Valen!" or "In Valen's name!" instead.
If anyone asks who Valen is, go into Lennier-mode and start babbling about the "Minbari not born of Minbari" and Sinclair.
Call one of those Psychic Networks and say in a menacing voice "The Psi-Corps knows who you are and where you are, and we're coming to get you."
If you like, add in "The Corps is mother, the Corps is father." just for effect.
When your significant other wants a little action tell them "All right," and do the Ivanova "Boom, shubba, lubba" dance.
If they complain, tell them "Well, you did want sex Human-style, didn't you?
Got one of your own? Send it to email@example.com.
Last update to this section: November 3rd, 1998